Tips On Self-Help

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When someone close to us dies, it can be devastating and we have to cope and adjust to living in a world that is irreversibly changed.

One of the most helpful things is to talk about the person who has died and your relationship with them. Who you talk to will depend on you. It may be your family, friends, a faith/spiritual adviser, your GP or a support organization.

It is important that you take care of yourself and some of the following suggestions may help you.

Do . . .

  • Talk to other people about the person who has died, about your memories and your feelings.
  • Keep in touch with family and friends
  • Look after yourself. Eat properly and try to get enough rest (even if you can’t sleep).
  • Give yourself time and permission to grieve.
  • Have a plan for each day, one task at a time.
  • Do something for you each day e.g. listen to music/ walk or exercise/ phone a friend.
  • Tell people what you need – the way you grieve is unique to you and may differ daily, Tell people if you want company or privacy, help or to be left alone.
  • Seek help and support if you feel you need it.

Dont . . .

  • Keep your emotions bottled up.
  • Think you are weak for needing help.
  • Feel guilty if you are struggling to cope.
  • Turn to drugs or alcohol – the relief will only be temporary

When To Seek Help

  • If you feel you cannot handle your intense feelings
  • If you feel that your emotions are still in turmoil and are not falling into place over a period of time and you feel chronic tension, confusion, emptiness or exhaustion.
  • If, for a long period, you have to keep active in order not to feel.
  • If you continue to have nightmares and poor sleep.
  • If you have no person or group with whom to share your emotions and you feel the need to do so.
  • If your work performance suffers and you feel you are not coping with everyday life.                       

Where To Find Help

  • Talk to your family doctor
  • Contact EKWS Cruse for personal support – see Contact Us page
  • Download any relevant client information leaflets from this page
  • Contact the Samaritans or any other appropriate organization from our links on this page.

How To Help Someone Bereaved

People who have been bereaved may want to talk about the person who has died. One of the most helpful things you can do is simply listen, and give them time and space to grieve. Offering specific practical help, not vague general offers, can also be very helpful.

Do . . .

  • Be there for the person who is grieving - pick up the phone, write a letter or an email, call by or arrange to visit.
  • Accept that everyone grieves in his or her own way; there is no 'normal' way.
  • Encourage the person to talk and listen to them
  • Create an environment in which the bereaved person can be themselves and show their feelings, rather than having to put on a front.
  • Be aware that grief can take a long time.
  • Contact the person at difficult times such as special anniversaries and birthdays.
  • Mention useful support agencies such as Cruse.

Don't . . .

  • Avoid someone who has been bereaved.
  • Use clichés such as 'I understand how you feel'; 'You'll get over it; 'Time heals'.
  • Tell them it's time to move on, they should be over it - how long a person needs to grieve is entirely individual.
  • Be alarmed if the bereaved person doesn’t want to talk or demonstrates anger.
  • Underestimate how emotionally draining it can be when supporting a grieving person. Make sure you take care of yourself too.